> > MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
> >
> > Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
> >
> > Please select from the following options menu:
> >
> > If you are obsessive-compulsive , press 1 repeatedly .
> >
> > If you are co-dependent , please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> >
> > If you have multiple personalities , press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> >
> > If you are paranoid , we know who you are and what you want,
> > stay on the line so we can trace your call.
> >
> > If you are delusional , press 7 and
> > your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
> >
> > If you are schizophrenic , listen carefully
> > and a little voice will tell You which number to press.
> >
> > If you are manic-depressive , hang up.
> > It doesn't matter which number you press,
> > nothing will make you happy anyway.
> >
> > If you are dyslexic , press 9-6-9-6.
> >
> > If you are bipolar , please leave a message after the beep
> > or before the beep or after the beep.
> > But Please wait for the beep..
> >
> > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> >
> > If you have low self-esteem , please hang up.
> > Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
> >
> > If you are menopausal , put the gun down,
> > hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> > You won't be crazy forever.
> >
> > If you are blonde , don't press any buttons.
> > You'll just mess it up.